Co-dependent relationships aren’t strong and healthy

Co-dependent relationships are known to be the most abusive form of relationships. They are based on need, but not a healthy need. Both partners in the relationship try to take advantage of their hold over their partner. More often than nor these relationships deteriorate drastically, where both partners can neither live together or apart.

This relationship is completely the opposite to “the-we-need-each-other relationship”, which is a lot more healthy. In this type of relationship the partnership is based more on equality, not on one of the partner’s extreme needs. As an example, if one partner is suffering with a drug addiction the other partner who perhaps looks after them can delude themselves that they are dependant on them and couldn’t live without them and their support. The addict too psyches themselves into believing that they cannot survive without them. They therefore start inflicting miseries on their partner, which they happily suffer – in the wrong belief that this is the only way to keep the addict happy.

This relationship will often result from an unexpected or traumatic experience that interrupts the normal growth of an individual. Such an event may be the death of a parent, breakup of a family or extreme illness.

Young girls and boys, who go through this experience, often build extreme relationships.

They need not be blamed. When we are born we are totally dependent and needy. The child is completely dependent on the mother for nurturing and care. Later, the child becomes totally dependent on the parents for its needs such as education and entertainment. Because of all this, the child builds its confidence, and gets ready to start making independent decisions. Often this independence leads to interdependence. At the child’s needs and convenience, the child who has become an adult switches between independence and interdependence.

Occasionally independence can creep into a co-dependent relationship. This is where adults need to step in, and stop the relationship from sliding into co-dependency. The individual should be given the confidence to become independent, to stand on their own feet. There is no harm in encouraging inter-dependence, but co-dependence should be heavily frowned upon.